1 score and 4 years ago (part II)

Having come to terms a little more with my gender identity (see part I) I thought, "Well, now what does that mean to my sexual orientation and sexual identity?" I felt that I'd probably have a more enjoyable sex life (not that I have any complaints at the moment!) if I better understood these aspects of my psyche.

Now let's see. When I was growing up, I was attracted to girls and not at all interested in the guys. At the time, I accepted the fact that I was myself a girl. So that made me a lesbian. When I started university, I also found myself somewhat attracted to boys, and still accepted myself as a girl. So that made me a bisexual but mostly gay woman.

Now that I've learnt that I suffer from gender dysphoria (I hate how that sounds! Makes it seem like a horrible condition, when really it's such a liberating realisation) and now think of myself as a man with certain (temporary) setbacks. So my liking women makes me a heterosexual man, while my liking certain men makes me a somewhat gay man. So in that respect, I've moved from a 5 to about a 1 on the Kinsey Scale!

As I thought about this however, I started to realise that things weren't as simple as that. I was still thinking of my sexual orientation as a woman. So I started to think - if I were a man, would my sexual patterns change? And if so, how? And therein lies the most interesting question for me to discover the answer to as I complete my transition.

I know that "imagining" is not the same as "experiencing", and so I fully expect to change my mind about this in the future. However, at this point, I imagine that if I were a man, I'd be more inclined to sleep with other men than I am at this point, i.e. I'd enjoy having sex with a man more as a man than as a woman. Which means I'd move to say, a 2 on the Kinsey scale? Of course, this question will likely not be answered for a long time, but still it's interesting to understand why it is that I'd be so inclined. Is it that I've conditioned myself into thinking that I belong in the gay and lesbian community and hence "need" to retain some sense of homosexuality?

Talk about opening up a can of worms...

Posted in personal, sexuality, gender