FtMs and MtFs

Here's something that occured to me sometime ago but I never got around to writing about. Dropping by The Gender Centre nearly every week means that I now know and regularly see a number of transgendered people, in pretty much every stage of transition. In fact, once conversation gets going and people gauge that the person they're talking to is comfortable enough with it, a common questions is "So, are you MtF or FtM?". It's mostly a question to us younger people though, since chances are that you're a very convincing fully-transitioned person or one who's only just starting out.

I learned early on not to make assumptions. Being who I am, I'm more likely to think of someone as FtM than otherwise; I was just lucky that I was cautious enough with the conversation in general to not put my foor in it. I'd only just arrived and the guy I'd met before, D, was talking to a very boyish-looking person with a bound chest that obviously had boobs on it. S/he was wearing a camo baseball cap, baggy camo pants and an olive green shirt with the sleeves cut off. S/he had no make-up on, but had short nails painted black in true goth style. We introduced ourselves, and I was given a very gender-ambiguous name, Z.

So without thinking, I figured that Z was in the same boat as us, although s/he was very silent while me and D started talking about bench presses and stuff. S/he eventually got up to go to the bathroom when I noticed that hir shirt was tied in the front to expose hir midriff, which threw me off. When s/he got back and joined in the conversation (we'd started talking about more neutral things like coming out, etc.) it suddenly dawned on me that Z was MtF and not the other way around! So that was a lesson well learnt.

The other thing that came to my mind was how much easier it is for FtMs to be accepted as bio-males than it is for MtFs as bio-women. In fact, I don't know of any who are ever accepted as bio-women - most are just accepted as being "what they are". I suppose the thing that balances it out is that men tend to be less forgiving and accepting, thus making it harder for FtMs to just be "one of the guys", whereas women are a lot more likely to welcome an MtF into their brood.

Anyway, women have enough trouble themselves trying to keep up with the high standards of appearance and grooming that have been set over the past decades. I can't imagine how difficult it would be for an MtF. In fact, I'm not sure if the tables were turned that I'd ever have the courage to make the change like these brave souls have! It really makes me happy to see these women walking around the Gender Centre where they're able to be less self-conscious and perhaps practice in relative comfort their mannerisms and such. They even have a great way of helping each other out with make-up tips and supplies, as well as with news of trans-friendly hairdressers/beauticians and the like!

Somehow I see none of this among FtMs, and the only reason I can see for this is that we integrate into "regular" society much better and tend to let go of our pasts without the need to hold on to any support groups. Or could it just be wishful thinking?

Posted in Gender-Centre, trans-friends, community