All I want for Christmas...

... is my voice back. 2 weeks ago I was commenting on how nice and mellow my voice was getting, how smooth and open my voicebox felt. Now I fluctuate between sounding like I'm on the verge of losing my voice and sounding like I'd just woken up. In fact, my voice breaks when I try to sing in my mid-to-high ranges, or else no sound comes out at all. Other than that, the nice mellow timbre is gone and instead I have a squeaky sound because my voicebox feels tight and constricted, much like how one feels when very nervous. I feel like it's almost a strain to get my voice out. Other than that, I'm starting to feel like I have a lump in my throat (or, as the Czechs would say, I have a dumpling in my throat).

Ah well - all part of the process, I suppose. Which reminds me of a song - if you're in the mood (and have the bandwidth or the cash), check out Part of the Process by Morcheeba. It's an oldie but a goodie.

1 week on Testosterone

God, I can't think about anything other than sex. It's difficult to sit and concentrate for long periods of time, and it certainly brings to me a new meaning to the term "raging hormones".

I wonder if all teenage boys go through this during puberty. Is it as intense as I'm feeling it? Or is it more a gradual, prolonged suffering that they face? I'm starting to understand why most teenaged boys are the dickheads that they are, and I can't really blame them.

On the bright side, I haven't experienced any mood swings or sudden aggression. With the drivers out there on the roads though...

My first shot!

I had my first shot of T today. I know, I should sound a little more excited. The truth is, I don't think I can come up with a sentence that would do justice to the event that may well be the first true step towards me being able to live my life as I want.

Again, it all actually happened a lot faster than I ever imagined it would. On Tuesday, I finally had my second appointment with my endocrinologist Dr.H (it was my own fault that I hadn't gone in to see him earlier) and he said that based on the results of my bloodwork, I was all-clear to start on testosterone. We had a good conversation to clear up the questions I had, and I left with a script for T that I could fill in at any chemist that had stock.

Dr.H was also kind enough to provide me with some information on a mail-order chemist, explaining that some chemists are inquisitive and would be suspicious of the testosterone prescription, as testosterone is not a recognised prescription for women. I hit my first snag when I went into the chemist on the ground floor of the same building (which had been deemed alright). After waiting patiently for an age while an elderly gentleman was given his prescription and a glass of water to take it with, I approached the chemist (himself an elderly gentleman) and handed him the prescription. He looked at it and seemed to study it intently, and I started to get nervous and self-conscious.

He eventually looks up and smiles, saying that I had an unusual prescription. I feared the worst, when he said that he only had in stock a different dosage that Dr.H usually uses. What a relief! He apologised, and asked if he should order the appropriate stuff in for me, which I declined. Anyway, I thought that that was a good introduction to the potentially awkward position of picking up T at the chemists - heck, if an elderly old-fashioned guy like the chemist can be understanding about it, it would probably be not as awkward as I'd imagined.

Anyway, I managed to fill the script at a different chemist later that day (again, they were very nice and friendly, and did well to make me feel at ease, almost as if I was just picking up some aspirin) but couldn't get in to see my GP till today. In fact, I was half tempted to cancel the appointment - I'd had a VERY full schedule today starting at 8 in the morning, and one of my first few appointments had run long and so, like a stack of dominos, I was running about 15 minutes behind with everything. Luckily, my GP Dr.L swapped my appointment with the one right after since the lady was already in the waiting room, so I managed to rock up "just in time".

Anyway, to cut to the chase, I got the shot. On my ass. On the right side if anyone wants to know. apparently we'll be alternating sides each time to allow for healing. I hardly felt the shot at all, but the area started to become a little sore later in the day, I assume from the deposit of oily hormones.

So finally, I'll be getting started on my T-Journal. I've also made a post in there about the specifics of my prescription and starting point, just as a first post. Check it out if you're interested.

Posted in hormones, transition, website