Second Session with the Counsellor

Last Wednesday was my second session with Gaye, and it went perfectly except maybe for one thing. We went over various things, mostly pertaining to my trip home; she noted that I seemed very relaxed and confident this time around. She did clarify that she had thought me confident the last time around as well, but that I seemed more sure of myself this time. At first, I'd thought that maybe it was due to the last time being my first visit to the centre, but as I mulled the thought over, I realised that I was indeed feeling very relaxed and cocksure (hee!), and had been so since returning home.

I also mentioned that I'd come to a point where I was at peace and satisfied with the idea of not "transitioning perfectly" to male, that is, there is a point along the male-female continuum that I would be perfectly satisfied to be at. This is a great relief to me, as half my fears of starting transition are based on not being able to get as close as I'd like to being a bio male.

One more thing that I'd realised during the session was that I'm looking at everything (well, at least wrt transitioning) with a more positive outlook now. Before, for every positive I could think of with transitioning, I'd come up with the negative aspect and all the potential problems I'd have to face. Now, I tend to concentrate on the positive, and even though I recognise the potential negative, my attitude's more like, "well, that comes with the territory and I'll deal with it when the time comes."

At the end of the session, while Gaye seemed convinced and glad that my recent exploits have had a visible impact on my life, she'd also scheduled another meeting for just after my parents get here in April. I asked if she thought that I was ready for a meeting with the psych (the last step before getting in to see an endo for T) even though I hadn't talked to my parents. She said that it seemed like a good idea to wait, especially since there's been so much sudden change in my life and that I seemed very content at this time; that would give me a chance to enjoy this slow period a little before introducing more drama into things. Also, it would give me a chance to let my new "healthy lifestyle" kick in before starting T. She added at the end that I didn't seem to be desperate for it, and that I would have pressed harder if I was - a very valid point, and I believed her when she said that she would have given me the referral had I insisted on it.

Truth be told, although I would love to start T asap, I agreed with her decision. Heck, I've waited all my life, another month won't kill me! Besides, like she said, I'm enjoying this new "lease on life" at the moment. Having to wait for the referral only gives me something else to look forward to!

Posted in counselling, transition, goals