Pre-T Effects?

The last week and a half have been totally wierd! I've had an energy charge running through my body, and I've been "feeling my muscles work" even though I'm still carrying this excess weight around. Also, I've been feeling quite sexually charged, which isn't helped by the fact that I've been having frequent recurring dreams with the same theme - that I'm walking around in a dude's body, but it's like I'd fallen asleep in a girl's bod one day and suddenly woken up with a bloke's the next morning, so it's strange and I have to go around getting used to it even though everyone else doesn't seem surprised at all and treat me like "normal".

I'm starting to get really impatient with waiting for my parents to get here before going in to see the psych and starting T therapy. On the one hand, I feel like I'd explode if I didn't go get the referral by next week, and on the other hand, I understand that it's probably the most logical thing to just wait another 4-5 weeks. Sigh.

What I am sure about is my decision to transition. No more hemming and hewing, no more worrying about what I might be getting myself into. I've felt like a million bucks since knowing that I'll be really starting transition in a few weeks, and I don't even need to understand the reason why to know that it's simply the thought of finally having a body that will allow me to live as male that is making me feel this great.

I think that making that list of pros and cons has really helped with this. I'd put the list on my little Palm that I carry around all the time, and the good thing about that was that everytime a thought hit me about how transitioning could affect my life, I could write it down immediately. Simply addressing and recognising these issues allowed me to let go of them, and I simply don't worry about them anymore.

Also, I'd noticed that I'd had trouble starting my FAQ that I'd wanted to put together for when "coming out" to my parents. However, I feel that having put down practically all my concerns on my "pros & cons" list has emancipated me such that I now have a million things running through my head that need to be in this FAQ. And knowing that I'll be able to "come out" properly to my parents, in a way that they'll least freak out, has made me feel even more like I'm being released from a bad dream.

Methinks I might work on the bike a little this Sunday and go for a ride!

Posted in transition, coming-out, ala-mode