I'm back! part IV: The Good, The Bad and The One They Call "Ugly"

Everyone who hadn't seen me in years, as well as those who'd met me for the first time have reportedly said that among other things, I am a very charming person. This surprised me because I know many things about myself, but this I never really thought about. It does however explain how people tend to react to myself, including people I meet while out and about. Now, I'd considered changing my last name when I do legally change my name, and I'd wanted to pick one that had some meaning to it. So this made me think: why not pick a word that meant "charm" or "charming"? It seems to be a quality that I enjoy very much, and I feel that my other dominant characteristics would be a little strong for a last name (overkill, anyone?).

Now, what language to pick? I speak several myself, but none but one provided an attractive enough solution. The one potential language: Italian, which would be perfect as well since the first woman I'd ever fallen in love with is Italian, and we remain very close even though we're too far apart too often to maintain a relationship. The Italian word for "charm": fascino (fah-shee-no). Didn't sound too bad. The feminine of the word though, "fascina" actually means faggot, which is not too bad I suppose as we're all one big LGBT family anyway. So this is the first in the list of surnames that I will consider when the time comes.

Another thought that came up repeatedly was that part of this "charm" could hinge on the fact that I am female. That is, if I were male, my behaviour/demeanour might be considered ordinary, or even worse, perhaps annoying or creepy! This is a disturbing consideration that must be made, as I'd much rather be a happy woman than a miserable man! Of course, should push come to shove, I'm sure I'd be able to adapt my inside to match my outside (ironic, as this whole process is about adapting my outside to match my inside!), just to counter the social programming that comes with growing up as a girl.

Also, there were quite a few things that I'd done with my friends and family that are considered women's activities, such as getting manicures, going to a spa and simply chatting/gossiping about things. I also enjoy hanging out "with the girls", something that may become difficult after transition. In any case, this prompted me to start an earnest pros/cons list, not so much to decide whether to transition or not, but simply to consider very carefully all the consequences that may come, to avoid feeling cheated/disappointed once past the point of no return.

I will put my list up soon, and I urge you to consider doing the same before making what may be the biggest decision or your life. Knowing the possibilities of the situation will allow you to enjoy your new lease on life a lot better!

Posted in personal, new-id, gender