Become a better rider every day

What a day, what a day. Spent the whole day at a rider training course, and came home with mixed feelings. After all the scrambling I'd done yesterday, things didn't go so smoothly and I had to spend an extra $150 out of pocket today because I was careless about having a good look over my bike. Add to that the fact that I picked up a fucking nail in my rear tire somewhere on the way home.

Anyway, I had fun on the course - learnt a few things that'll make me a better rider. But more importantly, I came into personal contact with some idiots that really drummed into me the importance of riding safe out there. You know the types - the middle-aged asswipe who thinks he knows everything and just keeps doing what he's doing (don't ask me why he's at the course) until the day he wraps his bike around a tree. And at the other end - the neurotic chick who's doing the course just because her boyfriend thinks she should, and is riding a machine that's just way too much for her to handle because he said so. Needless to say, after the day was over, I waited a good while after they'd left and had a cool drink with some new friends before heading out onto the roads myself.

Anyway, the good news is that I learnt some things about myself and my riding techniques today. I've realised that I've "mellowed out" in the recent past. I always expect the worst from everyone else on the road and prepare accordingly, but now I don't get as agro when people act like real idiots and endanger my life out there. I'm more willing to leave a longer buffer space in front of me despite some drivers taking it as an open invitation to squeeze in. So what if my trip takes an extra 5 minutes? I wouldn't trade a leg and collarbone for those 5 minutes. Other than that, the only things I've really got to work on is to stop riding the clutch so much - both in the car and on the bike - as well as to tone down on the engine braking. It's all fine and dandy when there's no one behind me, but recently I've been using engine braking even when there are cars behind me just out of habit. Yeah, I know, real stupid. There's a reason for brake lights on a bike.

Anyway, I got through the course today with a perfect score. Now all I gotta make sure about is that I get a perfect score out there on the roads as well.

If only I looked as good in the helmet

Posted in motorcycle

First visit to the Endocrinologist

Had my first visit to see Dr.H, my endocrinologist. He was certainly a lot nicer than I'd imagined, although I'm not sure why I'd imagined a stuffy old strictly-facts type in the first place. Well, I suppose his waiting-room (well, the waiting room he shares with his other colleagues in Bondi Junction) doesn't help - lots of nice art pieces, but the receptionists were a little cold and harried for my liking.

My appointment was made for 3.10pm, but he saw me 5 minutes early. Nothing spectacular, but I'm used to waiting half an hour for doctors' appointments. I'm starting to realise that specialists are a different breed altogether. He asked a lot of casual questions, trying to build a rapport and made pleasant chit-chat. He made sure I knew what I was getting into, and gave me some reading material for the next visit while I asked him about some minor questions that I had. In any case, he was very attentive with all the facts of my medical history that I thought were relevant, and in general, I'm very happy to have him as my endocrinologist.

After a short exam (height, weight, and a quick exam of my abdomen) he sent me off to get my bloodwork done. I will see him again in 2 weeks, at which point if nothing unusual comes back in the results, I will receive my first dose of testosterone. The way we will be approaching it will be to start off with a low dose of 100mg (I can't remember if he mentioned enanthate, propionate or cypionate) every 2 weeks and gradually work our way up to a higher dose.

Posted in hormones

Book review: Middlesex

Post about the book

The Green Light!!!

The last time I posted I was a little bummed about the whole "starting transition" process. Based on the many stories I'd heard and the information both given to me and out there on the internet, I was starting to worry that it would take forever to start on T and get going on starting this new phase of life. Those of you who've read my blog from the beginning will know that I'm sort of in a "transition stage" with the whole career thing. I don't want to have to go through this major change while in the workplace, or to be forced to deal with being openly transsexual in the field I work in, as I'm not sure of how well the idea will be accepted. Therefore, I was hoping to get some headway in the transition process before starting my proper career, and am simply enjoying life/paying the bills with part-time work at a friend's shop and coaching in the meantime.

By the way, that picture at the top is how a lot of people feel about their situation with starting T.

Anyway, this is what happened to me. On the 5th of July I'd gotten a list of GPs and psychiatrists who are trans-friendly when I went in to see Gaye the counsellor at the Gender Centre. 3 weeks later saw me griping about how no one was taking in new patients or had an available appointment for ages except for one Dr.T who would charge $200 per session (of which Medicare members would get $120 back, but I'm with Medibank and am not sure what I'd recover from them). Gaye recommended that I call a Dr.P who is based in Wollongong but comes in to Sydney twice a week, and later that day, Dr. Hansen returned my call and recommended him as well.

So I call Dr.P and leave a message on the machine, and he was really nice to return my call after hours that same day. We scheduled a session for his next available slot on the 28th of August, a whole 5 weeks from then! Also, he said that he'd charge the minimum required by Medicare at $151.40, which was fine by me.

Fast forward 5 weeks and it's Sunday night, I'm telling myself that I have to get to bed so that I'll be ready for an early start to a long day. I kept getting a dread feeling that I shouldn't get exceited, that I'd only be made to wait even longer to start on T. I silently cursed myself for being in counselling for so long before moving on to seeing a psych, and wondered if I should stop putting my working career on hold and just hope for the best.

The next morning I get to Dr.P's office in the city 15 minutes early and give my bike a loving pat for getting me out of the parking headache in Sydney. I find Dr.P to be an extremely pleasant man in appearance and demeanour, a soft-spoken and articulate gentleman through and through. We have a very pleasant hour, during which we talk about my family, background, the discussions I've had with Gaye and other general personal information. At the end he suddenly tells me that he's heard enough and in his professional opinion, he would be able to write me a referral to an endocrinologist in good conscience. My eyes must have been as wide as dinnerplates, as I'd anticipated having to see him maybe once or twice more in the span of 3 months before getting that referral!

Anyway, I have 20 minutes between leaving Dr.P in the city and getting in to the Gender Centre in Petersham. I get there in good time (how I love my bike!) despite nearly getting killed by an idiot driving a van (who just shrugged his shoulders when I squeezed in next to him and rapped on his window to shake my fist at him). Anyway, long story short, I tell Gaye that I've gotten the green light from Dr.P to see a Dr.H who is based in Bondi Junction. We later bump into D, a fellow trans-boi I've written about before, and he says that he had an excellent experience with Dr.H, so I'm happy about that. I asked if anyone knew what the waiting period would be like to get an appointment, and no one knew. I wasn't looking forward to another 5-week wait after the shock of that morning.

The second shock was soon to come. I rang up the office of Dr.H on Thursday and was surprised to be given an appointment for next Wednesday, a mere 6 days from then! That was certainly unexpected! So I could be seeing my first dose of T very very soon! I'm obviously looking forward to the day, although I'm not quite sure what to expect from it. The other piece of information that D gave me was that Dr.H only requires his first-time patients to take their tops off, while a lot of other endocrinologists require their first-time patients to take both their tops and bottoms off.

So that's what been going on for me in the past few weeks, and that's what I'll be looking forward to this coming week. I'm sure I could've said it an a lot less words instead of such a long rambling post. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Posted in transition, hormones, counselling, Gender-Centre, trans-friends

Spring is in the air!

Well, we've officially seen the first day of spring, and we couldn't see a more perfect start to the new cycle of the seasons. The flowers are already in full bloom, the weather's just perfect to spend the day outdoors, and the bees are hard at work doing what they do best.

I've been living my weeks walking around in a daze, surrounded by a haze of puppy love. Or at least that's what it feels like. My thoughts are consumed entirely by her, my hours are filled with thoughts of how wonderful it would be the next time we see each other. *sigh* To be young and in love during the season of young love... how cliché. I think there's even a slight spring in my step despite the the now full-blown rider's swagger that I've unfortunately developed.

The other big news from me is that I've been given the official green light to start with hormone therapy!!! It's pretty big news, so I thought I'd keep it in a separate post for the sake of being organised.

The only low point in the past few weeks was falling really sick a week-and-a-half ago, with the flu. Now I consider myself pretty tough when it comes to handling ailments and injuries, but this one hit me like a ton of bricks. I'd felt a little "off" all that day, but figured that I was just coming down with a cold, so I kept drinking lots of fluids and keeping myself warm to keep it under control. Then at about 10.30 that night, while I was home alone, my temperature suddenly spiked, my sinuses blocked up completely and my glands around my neck swelled up uncomfortably. Now, I usually avoid taking any kind of medication as much as possible, but I figured now would be a good time to look through the tons of pills and ointments that my dad packs for me every other year or so when I see my parents.

Anyway, apart from the delirious fever and general discomfort of simultaneously not being able to breathe through my nose while trying to nurse a sore throat, what really got to me was the partial loss of hearing I experienced (and am still recovering from!) from having blocked ears. What really got to my parents was the fact that I'd nearly completely lost my voice for a couple of days, which made it difficult for me to convince them that I wasn't dying from some super-flu or meningococcal virus.

The nice part of all of this was that I got to stay home and watch DVDs all day in between of falling in-and-out of sleep, while trying to respond to all the sms-es coming through on both mobiles phones. I managed to get up-to-date on every season of Arrested Development (hilarious! Almost as good as Curb Your Enthusiasm), House and Scrubs, so that was fun. Heck, if you're going to be quarantined from all human contact with a highly contagious virus, there's no better way to spend it than soup and DVDs, is there?

Posted in oats, ala-mode

T.a.g-board Spamm getting Out-of-Hand

Damned t.a.g-board! Had to clear it up and lost a whole bunch of messages that used to be on it. *insert angry fuming emoticon here*

Posted in website

Sunset Crush

No, it's not the name of a tropical cocktail.

You know how they say that going through T is like going through puberty all over again? I may not have that prescription in my hot little hand just yet, but I *am* going through another delightful/unfortunate aspect of those pubescent years - I have a crush on my teacher! lol

To clarify: I'd finally decided on taking an advanced Italian course after discovering that I'd probably go nuts halfway through Beginners Portuguese. I really feel for these teachers who have to teach a new language to people who've not only spoken nothing but English their whole lives, but were not taught grammar in school.

But back to the topic at hand. I miss the first week, then turn up a little late for class only to discover that a lady was teaching the class instead of the bloke I'd thought was taking it. I walked in, slightly nervous about the fact that I'm 5 years out of practice, only to discover that these people all knew each other from doing the previous courses together. Great.

Anyway, I quickly got into it, and once I became less nervous, I started realising how attractive our teacher is! I guess it was the prime recipe for trouble: European, early thirties (I'd guess), vivacious, funny without being intimidating. Plus, there was no ring on that finger, which is always a good thing I suppose. Besides, being the new person in class, she'd been a little more attentive with asking questions, and picking up on little details to push along the casual discussions within the class.

So there I was, halfway through Day 1 and I couldn't believe that I had a high-school crush. The only difference is that I'm in a better position in relation to the object of my crush. This can be a good or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it. On the one hand, there is nothing wierd/futile/wrong with pursuing/fulfilling the crush. On the other hand, it does make it a lot easier for me to make a fool of myself.

And these are the exact thoughts that run through my head for the final half hour of the class. Class finally ends, and I get my stuff together as everyone else files out. She immediately comes over and asks me how I found the class. She quickly refutes my stammering excuses and says that I'm very good and may be the best student in the class once I settle down. We talk a little about things, and I say that I have to go as I'm meeting people for dinner at a new nearby Italian place(which was true). She lights up at this, and long story short, we agree that she could join us some other time with a little notice. At this point, I'm terrified at the fact that all the blood in my body has rushed to my face and that it may actually be visible even under my tanned skin. I get my things and go, thankful that the one physical advantage I have over bio-men is the fact that it's not all that obvious to the rest of the world when certain thoughts enter my head. *ahem*

I guess we'll see how the next class goes before I can decide on whether this is all in my head...

Posted in oats, personal

Back from the Dead

Oh, it's been a while since the last post. So much has happened, so many notes I'd quickly jotted down in my organiser that I'd thought I'd post here about. And as most of you who blog would know, now that the passion, the here-and-now emotions are no longer fresh in mind, I don't know if I can do justice to reporting these events.

I guess the most important issue the last time I posted was about getting that referral. I did end up getting the referral, but the only doc who could see me at a decent date would end up costing me $80 a visit (this is after my insurance reimburses me $120) so I refused to throw money away like that and opted for a doc that was

i. decent enough to return my phone call
ii. came recommended by my counsellor, and
iii. was recommended by another doc who wasn't taking anymore new patients.

He sounded very nice and caring on the phone, I think I made the right decision in making my appointment with him (on the 28th of August!!!) even if it did mean waiting longer and having to drive a little further out of my way to get there.

In other news, my social calendar has suddenly become pure lunacy. Every time I go out with one group of friends, I end up meeting new people, and going out with these people meets me more new friends... multiply this with the many circles of friends that I maintain, and the result is not only practically all weekends booked up till Christmas, but also having to meet my closest friends at such odd times as "brunch on Tuesday" on a regular basis. The only one to really suffer is poor little Sasha, who has been left at home by herself a little more than usual these last weeks.

So that wraps up my "Back from the Dead" post for the moment, I'm thinking I'll go check out why the text isn't appearing in some of my earlier posts until I actually highlight it, at which point some characters appear (sometimes briefly) and others take their own sweet time making their grand entrance.

Posted in transition, ala-mode, the-tribe

Extracurricular activities

I've decided to enrol in a class or two to either brush up on certain skills that I used to have (e.g. playing the guitar, drums or piano, singing, judo, working with glass, ballroom dance or language classes) or to pick up some new skills (e.g. life drawing, a new sport, swing dance or a new language). Going through the list, I've eliminated the following:

guitar, drums and piano: since all I have to do is practice on my own to "shake off the rust". Besides, I'd just sold my drums and don't have a piano. *sniff*

singing: because it's lame. Heh, no, I figured that I'd consider it when my voice starts changing due to T, it'll probably come to better use then.

judo: I'm already trying to recover from current injuries. I might wait until my muscles can provide my problem joints a little more support before hitting the mat again.

glass: Too expensive for too little results. I'm starting to think about potential costs for T and surgery, so maybe it's a good time to start being a little more careful about money.

ballroom and swing dance: Don't have no one to go with. :( Besides, it may be a little easier for the instructor to understand that I want the guy's part once I'm a little ways into T.

life drawing: Or any drawing for that matter. I picked up a book from a library and am learning from that (with much success I might add) so why pay someone to do the same thing?

a new sport: see judo.

So that pretty much left language classes. I'll either brush up on Italian or Russian, or take up Portuguese. I've enquired at one of the places that I know and they're ok with me checking out the appropriate level classes before settling on one, which is nice. First stop: Beginner's Portuguese.

Posted in personal

Call for Berocca

So, tomorrow's the next session with the counsellor, and tomorrow's the day I will come home with that referral. Have also been bumping into people I haven't seen in AGES, so that's been very nice.

Not in the mood to post in-depth today, but I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about late tomorrow. A bientot!

Posted in counselling

Deadlines

Deadlines, deadlines! Will have to bite the bullet tomorrow.

Posted in website

It is better to have loved and lost...

... than to have never loved at all. Someone said this to me 4 years ago and I promptly smacked him upside the head, then proceeded to explain relentlessly why I disagreed with him. How could anyone ever wish to experience the excruciating pain of having to let go of the love of your life? The indescribable pain that goes right through you, that makes your heart clench tightly and makes you feel like your chest is about to collapse on itself. The pain that makes you want to curl up into a tight ball and never face the world again? The pain that makes you truly understand the poetry of the terms "heartbreak" and "drowning in despair"?

4 years on, I find myself agreeing that it *is* indeed better to have love and lost than to never have experienced the miracle of true love. The feeling of being "on top of the world", the slight terror of doubt that your heart could possibly keep from bursting with amour. The absurdity of the fact that you could find one little freckle so fascinating, and the certainty that you would do anything to make her smile.

For me, it truly was the summer of love. We'd just rung in the new millennium, I'd just moved overseas and out of home, and I was in the best shape of my life. Our paths had crossed for a brief moment a few months prior, and neither one had even thought twice of it. However, fate threw us together again, in another millennium and on another continent, and we both knew straight away that we had met the love of our lives.

At face value we were as different as night and day - me dark-skinned, dark-haired, serious and logical, she fair, blonde, happy-go-lucky and superstitious. But the more layers you peeled back you'd see that we were more and more the same person. What more could you want in a person you'd spend the rest of your life with? Her gioia di vivere and talent for la vita bella opened up a whole new world to me, while my more sensible approach kept her grounded and productive. The year we enjoyed together changed our lives forever; she had the best season of her career, finding herself among the best in the world, and I had my eyes forever opened to the beauty around me, in every sense of the word.

We had to eventually give in to the fact that life simply had different paths to take us, that being physically apart for 6 months at a time was just too much to bear. Although we'd officially called it quits, neither could come to terms with the idea that our grande storia d'amore had ended until about a year after. Only more than 2 years later could we begin to fully enjoy each other's friendship without heart-wrenching thoughts of "if only" and "what if".

So now at the veteran age of 25 I ask, having loved and lost, will there ever be a greater love in my life? Or in this case, will I have a new greatest love in my new life...

Lovers under Il Ponte Rialto, photo by Jeff Booth

Posted in personal, sexuality, oats

The Tribe has spoken...

... you are the Weakest Link. (Am I mixing up game shows here?)

Ok, I'm being mean. Nikki wasn't kicked out, she was let go of with much sorrow and heartbreak. And so the Tribe is down to 2 active members.

Because I moved to a 1-bedroom apartment from a shared house with a big backyard, I've had to think about giving poor Nikki away for adoption. Being a Beagle, she's very high-energy and needs space to run around, so it isn't exactly fair to have her in the apartment especially during the colder months when we can't be outdoors too much.

Nikki under the doona when she was younger
The problem was that I didn't want to give her to just anyone. I needed to be sure that her new family would treat her with as much care and pay as much attention to her as she's used to. I can't stand families that just have the dog in the back yard for the sake of having a dog, and pay little attention to it. Both the little ones sleep in bed with me (even when there's *ahem* company over) and we all wake up in a tangle of limbs in the morning, so I couldn't imagine what it would be like for her to be kept outdoors permanently.

Anyway, the answer came when a good friend of mine had to put her family beagle down due to old age. They have a big back yard, they're used to beagles, my friend goes running every day, and they have someone home nearly all the time because her mum doesn't work! Also, they're a warm caring family and had already noticed a hundred little things about Nikki's personality in a couple of days.

So Nikki's got a new home and is better off for it. Now I've got to resist the urge to visit every weekend!


Sasha misses Nikki already.
(Sorry for the mess of wires behind her head!)

Posted in the-tribe

Oh, and...

What I'd give to get a jawline like that! (see post below) Let's see if anyone has any tips online!

Eta: The general consensus seems to be that it's up to genetics and body fat levels to determine one's jawline. And then of course there's cosmetic surgery involving jaw implants. The other school of thought is that doing facial exercises will tone and slightly alter the various features on your face, with allegations that it's common practice among actors. Not surprisingly, the only people claiming this are companies selling products.

In any case, I've got fairly fabulous cheekbones and jaw structure (the barf bags are over there, thank you) so the combination of lowered body fat and testosterone will hopefully render a satisfactory result. Then again, can't hurt to start chewing rubber bands. Will post pics soon after getting that first dose!

Head of Hair

So, I finally got a haircut. For those of you who don't already know, about 2 1/2 years ago, I lost my mind and put my hair into dreadlocks. Summer came, summer went, and not being able to run my finers through my hair started to drive me nuts, so about 18 months later, I cut them all off and ended up with the shortest hair I've ever had, about 2-3 inches long all over.

I've had a year to grow out my hair, and it's grown to the longest I've ever had it (my hair grows out pretty fast, don't ask me what's in the water), which was really starting to bug me. Being sporty and rolling around the grass/sand with your dogs means washing your hair a lot, and with thick wavy hair like mine, washing and drying it was a real pain. The reason I've let it frow this long is so that I can get a proper cut, instead of having it too short in places.

So anyway, I finally got my haircut today while out picking up my new amp, and I'm so glad I did! The lady asked what sort of haircut I wanted, and I described it to her as best as I could - back to just shoulder-length and layered, sides cut to just tuck behind my ears, with an undercut near the front. She then asked if I had any photos of what I wanted, and I thought, "Damn, I couldn't think of anyone with exactly what I wanted," and then it hit me! Francesco Totti when he used to have his wavy mane of hair! Thank God I had an Italian lady cutting my hair, she immediately knew what I was talking about and cut it perfectly. And thank God for World Cup fever, else I don't think he would have come to my mind!

So the main thing today was, I had the guts to ask for a haircut which has obviously male stylings. The lady didn't bat an eye, keeping a professional attitude (if you don't count our eyebrow-raising conversation) and doing what I wanted instead of offering alternatives and discouraging comments, etc. I'm going to try a place a little closer to home the next time I get a haircut, and if they don't get it right, she may just have gained a new regular!

My parting gift to you: a couple of pictures of Francesco with my haircut! =)

Posted in transition, new-id

Duke of my Dreams

The last couple of weeks have been cold and rainy, but as expected, it's turned warmer and sunny this last week. Experts predict a mild winter for us in Oz, which has brought back thoughts of zipping through the countryside on my bike, enjoying the splashes of red, orange and gold that line the country roads.

Now that I've left you with that image, I might introduce you to the Duke of my dreams. No no, I do not harbour secret feelings of love for a member of the male species, but rather feelings of lust for a little Monster:

Red with Black Stripe
The Ducati Monster S4R, in all its naked glory. Nothing in my mind will ever match the stylings of the monster, and I hope that Ducati never stops producing them. Try as you might, I'll never give up the compact, street-fighter feel of the Monsters for the laid-back ease of the low rider or the fairings of a CBR. Besides, it'd go so well with a nice Italian leather jacket. :)

While I'm at this, I might mention that the good man that he is, Ethan Niko's set up a trans-men's Motorcycle Club based in Australia (but all are welcome to join) on Yahoo! Groups called FTM Grease Monkeys. It's only just started and is still pretty small, but I hope it'll take off and maybe we'll organise a ride to kick off the summer!


Blue with White Stripe
Posted in motorcycle

I can see the starting line!

Yes, I know the saying is "finish line" and not starting line, but then it wouldn't make all that much sense now, would it?

So the last counselling session at The Gender Centre was pretty much a waste of time and left me in a bit of a funk three weeks back, making me feel like I'm going nowhere with this. It was such a let-down that I didn't know what to expect from today's session. However, it turned out infinitely better than the last time, and it looks like I'll soon be getting an official green light to move on with things! More specifically, I feel that I'm getting close to getting that all-important presciption for T - that precious Essence of Man (eeewwww!!!). Just a couple more hoops to jump through!

Rant: What is it with the world nowadays and processes? I mean, I'm an engineer so I understand the importance of protocol and processes, but are we taking things too far? Are we expecting such high safety standards that we expend too many resources and put things on hold for too long? Recently we had 2 coal miners trapped underground when a part of a coal mine in Tasmania collapsed. Both men escaped none the worse for wear, but the furor over the incident was embarassing. These 2 men weren't heroes, they were just lucky that they were in a reinforced cage-like structure during the collapse. While they were underground, they were supplied plenty of food, protection from the cold and harmful gasses, and even luxury items such as chocolate, beer and mp3 players! Now the mine will be shut down and repercussions will be felt across mines all over the country. It's a fuckin' coal mine! Danger is a part of the job! Are we that surprised that this happened?!

Tying this back to the topic, us trans-people are made to jump through so many hoops because of the few who were either dumb enough transition without thinking it through, or couldn't take the responsibility for being in a difficult situation and chose to point fingers instead. Is it really the health care professional's fault that the person regretted undergoing hormone therapy/surgery? How much caution must the psych take in determining whether a candidate is lying or unsure about the things s/he says?

Once again, the masses pay for the mistakes of a few.

Posted in counselling, transition, rant

Tags

I've just put tags on all the back posts and will be using them from now. I was thinking of using del.icio.us and technorati to organise them, but didn't like the fact that my tags would be stored on a different server, as well as the fact that users would have to browse to an external website in the course of surfing through the categories, so I've kept it in-house and gotten rid of the tags that were on here before.

Posted in website

Pets n Vets

Ok, so my little bubba Sasha had knee surgery a year ago because her knee-cap kept popping out of place, due to her genetic predisposition to having a shallow groove where it's supposed to sit, as well as the fact that she's a little bow-legged in her hind legs. She was only 2 years old at that point so it wasn't really bothering her, but she'd have to sort of kick her leg back increasingly to get the knee-cap back into place. Not wanting her to develop arthritis over the years due to the abrasion this would cause, I shelled out the $2k required to surgically correct this.

Now, a few months ago, I noticed that she'd started limping on that same leg. This worried me, because it had only been about 6 months since the surgery and I had a strong feeling that something was not right. So I took her back to the vet, who said that she may have jarred it and caused some soft-tissue damage, gave us some anti-inflammatories and told me to keep an eye on her. Things didn't change, although she limped more one some days than others, and the vet maintained that everything was in place and that she probably just needed some time to recover.

Fast forward to 2 days ago, when I finally had enough of the situation and demanded that the vet take the case a little more seriously. I felt that he'd thought that Sash was just a whiny dog and me an overzealous owner, which I can understand from his point of view considering the types of young owners he often sees. However, he should have believed me when I'd said that she's a very bright, cheerful girl who never complains about anything, and we're so close that we know what the other's going to do before either one even moves a muscle. My fears were confirmed when he finally admitted that the best shot would be to have the pins and wire removed from her knee since they'd already served their purpose, and see how she goes. He admitted her immediately and performed the surgery the same afternoon. I should also add that he quickly got me to sign the waiver including a paragraph at the bottom stating that I would pay about 800 bucks for the surgery.

I called in in the late afternoon and asked how it went - the guy left another vet to handle the call (there are 3 vets there, all of whom I'm familiar with and 2 of whom I'm not-so-fond of. Unfortunately, the same 2 vets are the most senior and very experiences vets) and she told me that the tension band in her knee would definitely have been causing her discomfort because it was too tight and had started CUTTING INTO the bone! She recovered quickly from the aenesthetic, so we got to pick her up before closing time. The poor girl was so happy to see us despite her bald leg (which looked really funny since she's a little shaggy dog) and we had to be really careful to get her not to jump around on her leg.

Anyway, she's been so active these last 2 days it's not funny. I'd thought that she'd gotten lazy in the recent months, as she'd been a little less eager for her walks, and had gotten tired a lot quicker on our daily jaunts. I'd tease her about struggling to get her fat bottom (which really wasn't fat at all) up the stairs, and now I feel HORRIBLE about not having pressured the vet to do this sooner. The poor dear's been so frisky and playful since coming home, it warms my heart to see her back to her familiar self, yet I'm heartbroken to think that she'd been suffering all this time while keeping a brave face.

So anyway, today's little Sasha's birthday, and her $800 birthday present is her poor little leg working all better again. Now if only my wallet felt a little better...

The tribe: Sasha (left) and Nikki

Posted in the-tribe, rant

Blogger's Block

There are so many things I want to write about on here! I just can't bring myself to sit down and write it... maybe at the end of the week when I'll finally be done with this damned project.

One thing I can write about right now is my new nickname (hee! Get it? Nick. Name.) that I've been christened with. You'll probably have seen it all over this page by now, and I absolutely love it! Nickles! Hee!

I am starting to get used to the idea of my outside matching my inside (even though it isn't totally happening yet), and I really find the idea quite tittilating. It helps though with the fat-loss and big gain in strength (which reminds me, I really have to update my damn "healthy lifestyle" blog too!), and I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel my "inner structure" and "inner image" more now than my actual external self. It's scary sometimes, sort of like stepping out of a cave you've been living in to find yourself suddenly exposed to a wide-open field in the bright sunshine. It's beautiful, but it's scary and strange at the same time. I get more and more frequent "glimpses" of this feeling nowadays.

ETA: Now I just gotta get past those damn "nickle n dime" jokes.

Posted in new-id, personal, ala-mode