tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-199495602011-10-24T15:28:55.189+11:00an Australian FtM's journeyNickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.comBlogger731100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-3026293341915377572006-11-11T20:29:00.000+11:002006-11-12T01:19:36.098+11:00

Hello, Buddha? I was just wondering, you wouldn't happen to have Krishna and Jesus' phone numbers, would you? You do? Could you please pass a message along to them? Actually, while you're at it, maybe send an e-mail out to all your buddies if it's not too much to ask, because HELP ME!I may not know what it's like to be held in a filthy underground prison for no good reason, my family and friends

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-80562052094811656142006-11-01T21:46:00.000+11:002006-11-01T21:47:15.314+11:00

Kate can tell me that I taste like fish biscuits anytime. Especially when she's wearing that little dress.

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-79299983428432323372006-10-30T22:42:00.000+11:002006-10-30T23:07:20.152+11:00

... is my voice back. 2 weeks ago I was commenting on how nice and mellow my voice was getting, how smooth and open my voicebox felt. Now I fluctuate between sounding like I'm on the verge of losing my voice and sounding like I'd just woken up. In fact, my voice breaks when I try to sing in my mid-to-high ranges, or else no sound comes out at all. Other than that, the nice mellow timbre is gone

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-87140209792866952292006-10-18T21:17:00.000+10:002006-10-18T21:21:09.840+10:00

God, I can't think about anything other than sex. It's difficult to sit and concentrate for long periods of time, and it certainly brings to me a new meaning to the term "raging hormones".I wonder if all teenage boys go through this during puberty. Is it as intense as I'm feeling it? Or is it more a gradual, prolonged suffering that they face? I'm starting to understand why most teenaged boys are

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1160744571326242472006-10-11T20:37:00.000+10:002006-10-17T00:18:37.776+10:00

I had my first shot of T today. I know, I should sound a little more excited. The truth is, I don't think I can come up with a sentence that would do justice to the event that may well be the first true step towards me being able to live my life as I want.Again, it all actually happened a lot faster than I ever imagined it would. On Tuesday, I finally had my second appointment with my

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1158323805397689182006-09-15T20:50:00.000+10:002006-10-15T18:35:29.846+10:00

What a day, what a day. Spent the whole day at a rider training course, and came home with mixed feelings. After all the scrambling I'd done yesterday, things didn't go so smoothly and I had to spend an extra $150 out of pocket today because I was careless about having a good look over my bike. Add to that the fact that I picked up a fucking nail in my rear tire somewhere on the way home.Anyway,

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1157795737963966962006-09-06T19:37:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.759+10:00

Had my first visit to see Dr.H, my endocrinologist. He was certainly a lot nicer than I'd imagined, although I'm not sure why I'd imagined a stuffy old strictly-facts type in the first place. Well, I suppose his waiting-room (well, the waiting room he shares with his other colleagues in Bondi Junction) doesn't help - lots of nice art pieces, but the receptionists were a little cold and harried

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1157206544526719212006-09-03T00:15:00.000+10:002006-10-18T21:17:33.797+10:00

Post about the book

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1157202042627899132006-09-02T22:35:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.627+10:00

The last time I posted I was a little bummed about the whole "starting transition" process. Based on the many stories I'd heard and the information both given to me and out there on the internet, I was starting to worry that it would take forever to start on T and get going on starting this new phase of life. Those of you who've read my blog from the beginning will know that I'm sort of in a "

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1157200196884234492006-09-01T21:44:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.502+10:00

Well, we've officially seen the first day of spring, and we couldn't see a more perfect start to the new cycle of the seasons. The flowers are already in full bloom, the weather's just perfect to spend the day outdoors, and the bees are hard at work doing what they do best.I've been living my weeks walking around in a daze, surrounded by a haze of puppy love. Or at least that's what it feels like

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1157200490319966962006-08-31T22:31:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.565+10:00

Damned t.a.g-board! Had to clear it up and lost a whole bunch of messages that used to be on it. *insert angry fuming emoticon here*Posted in website

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1154951226423501472006-08-07T21:02:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.436+10:00

No, it's not the name of a tropical cocktail.You know how they say that going through T is like going through puberty all over again? I may not have that prescription in my hot little hand just yet, but I *am* going through another delightful/unfortunate aspect of those pubescent years - I have a crush on my teacher! lolTo clarify: I'd finally decided on taking an advanced Italian course after

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1154509066882890852006-08-02T17:35:00.000+10:002006-10-15T20:38:09.369+10:00

Oh, it's been a while since the last post. So much has happened, so many notes I'd quickly jotted down in my organiser that I'd thought I'd post here about. And as most of you who blog would know, now that the passion, the here-and-now emotions are no longer fresh in mind, I don't know if I can do justice to reporting these events.I guess the most important issue the last time I posted was about

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1154944093663997992006-07-07T18:40:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.370+10:00

I've decided to enrol in a class or two to either brush up on certain skills that I used to have (e.g. playing the guitar, drums or piano, singing, judo, working with glass, ballroom dance or language classes) or to pick up some new skills (e.g. life drawing, a new sport, swing dance or a new language). Going through the list, I've eliminated the following:guitar, drums and piano: since all I

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1152003725855004122006-07-04T18:57:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.242+10:00

So, tomorrow's the next session with the counsellor, and tomorrow's the day I will come home with that referral. Have also been bumping into people I haven't seen in AGES, so that's been very nice.Not in the mood to post in-depth today, but I'm sure I'll have lots to talk about late tomorrow. A bientot!Posted in counselling

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1151571301501952992006-06-29T18:52:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.171+10:00

Deadlines, deadlines! Will have to bite the bullet tomorrow.Posted in website

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1151070284319473062006-06-23T22:38:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.100+10:00

... than to have never loved at all. Someone said this to me 4 years ago and I promptly smacked him upside the head, then proceeded to explain relentlessly why I disagreed with him. How could anyone ever wish to experience the excruciating pain of having to let go of the love of your life? The indescribable pain that goes right through you, that makes your heart clench tightly and makes you feel

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150909224280857202006-06-22T01:48:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:51.031+10:00

... you are the Weakest Link. (Am I mixing up game shows here?)Ok, I'm being mean. Nikki wasn't kicked out, she was let go of with much sorrow and heartbreak. And so the Tribe is down to 2 active members.Because I moved to a 1-bedroom apartment from a shared house with a big backyard, I've had to think about giving poor Nikki away for adoption. Being a Beagle, she's very high-energy and needs

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150790725174494662006-06-20T18:03:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.956+10:00

What I'd give to get a jawline like that! (see post below) Let's see if anyone has any tips online!Eta: The general consensus seems to be that it's up to genetics and body fat levels to determine one's jawline. And then of course there's cosmetic surgery involving jaw implants. The other school of thought is that doing facial exercises will tone and slightly alter the various features on your

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150639726968895572006-06-19T00:02:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.891+10:00

So, I finally got a haircut. For those of you who don't already know, about 2 1/2 years ago, I lost my mind and put my hair into dreadlocks. Summer came, summer went, and not being able to run my finers through my hair started to drive me nuts, so about 18 months later, I cut them all off and ended up with the shortest hair I've ever had, about 2-3 inches long all over.I've had a year to grow out

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150467493490436462006-06-16T23:14:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.825+10:00

The last couple of weeks have been cold and rainy, but as expected, it's turned warmer and sunny this last week. Experts predict a mild winter for us in Oz, which has brought back thoughts of zipping through the countryside on my bike, enjoying the splashes of red, orange and gold that line the country roads.Now that I've left you with that image, I might introduce you to the Duke of my dreams.

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150296903436615322006-06-14T20:46:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.758+10:00

Yes, I know the saying is "finish line" and not starting line, but then it wouldn't make all that much sense now, would it?So the last counselling session at The Gender Centre was pretty much a waste of time and left me in a bit of a funk three weeks back, making me feel like I'm going nowhere with this. It was such a let-down that I didn't know what to expect from today's session. However, it

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150092298471541192006-06-12T15:59:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.479+10:00

I've just put tags on all the back posts and will be using them from now. I was thinking of using del.icio.us and technorati to organise them, but didn't like the fact that my tags would be stored on a different server, as well as the fact that users would have to browse to an external website in the course of surfing through the categories, so I've kept it in-house and gotten rid of the tags

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150100080356282272006-06-11T17:40:00.000+10:002006-10-15T20:34:31.164+10:00

Ok, so my little bubba Sasha had knee surgery a year ago because her knee-cap kept popping out of place, due to her genetic predisposition to having a shallow groove where it's supposed to sit, as well as the fact that she's a little bow-legged in her hind legs. She was only 2 years old at that point so it wasn't really bothering her, but she'd have to sort of kick her leg back increasingly to

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1149423087602064182006-06-04T20:54:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.415+10:00

There are so many things I want to write about on here! I just can't bring myself to sit down and write it... maybe at the end of the week when I'll finally be done with this damned project.One thing I can write about right now is my new nickname (hee! Get it? Nick. Name.) that I've been christened with. You'll probably have seen it all over this page by now, and I absolutely love it! Nickles!

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1148361651553789772006-05-23T15:19:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.350+10:00

Nowhere,      I'm going around in circles.A blabbering idiot.Posted in ala-mode

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1146563573406269352006-05-02T19:51:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.272+10:00

From True Spirit 99:10. All FTMs come from the lesbian community, and after transition are heterosexual. (That is, attracted to women.)9. Transsexualism/transgenderism can be "cured" by psychotherapy. Transsexual men are really just lesbians.8. FTMs did not exist until after World War II, with the advent of hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery.7. Female-to-Males are far rarer than

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1146451331367259322006-05-01T12:19:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.197+10:00

In adopting these new energies/vibrations, they will add to those already with me from my original birth date and names, i.e. the energies/vibrations from my original birth date/names will always stay with me. When changing one's name, it is important to honestly consider one's strengths and weaknesses - this way, it may be possible to successfully alter a name to be consistent with one's natural

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1146369031077569872006-04-30T13:29:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.129+10:00

In trying to pick and figure out the best way to pick a new name, I did a numerology analysis of both my birth date/names, as well as on the shortlist of new names and my "new birthdate". Here's what came up:Original birth date and names:Birth Path: Shows the opportunities present from birth that a person can use to express themselves. Often looked at as the vibration that describes the

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1146050355300775902006-04-26T19:08:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:50.058+10:00

The matter of coming up with a name has been bugging me non-stop since day 1, and all the more so now that I'm getting so close to my first day on T. So here's what I'm considering at the moment:There are lots of boys' names out there that I like, but I feel don't necessarily suit me personality-wise or looks-wise. For some reason, when I was much younger and the Internet was in its youth, I once

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1145879083972538032006-04-24T21:32:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:49.979+10:00

I am in *love* with this comic. The art style and quality just bowls me over, especially because I'm getting quite sick of the manga influence in cartoons and the such nowadays. Zan Gullo does an impressive job capturing a certain mood with his combination of dialogue and images.I haven't gotten far enough into the archives to be able to comment on the storyline, but I'm already a huge fan of the

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1145519149242175832006-04-20T17:43:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:49.908+10:00

Check out Erin Lindsey's Venus Envy, a great little online comic about an MtF teenager who's trying to adjust to her new life. Don't worry, there's an FtM character in the main cast too. Anyway, it addresses many little issues that will ring a bell for all of us, and is an entertaining read most of the time.There's a full archive available on the website, although you'll have to get the "strips"

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1145518965306775422006-04-20T17:12:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:49.847+10:00

Went to see Gaye yesterday, and had another great session. I felt that we got to know each other a little better this time around. Although the session wasn't as ground-breaking as the earlier ones, it certainly went well as she knew the background to a lot of the things I wanted to say to her, so I had to sidetrack less this time around and could make my statements/points a lot more directly.The

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1144507122927732282006-04-08T23:28:00.000+10:002006-10-15T11:22:49.785+10:00

Played tennis again today. Kicked butt again. Felt my fitness and strength pay off again. And was stressed out again.Here's the scenario: our "sister team" was short of a girl, so my (stand-in) team captain volunteers to play as a reserve for them. The hook is, we're playing each other. Worse still, we're in the final round-robin round before the final play-offs, and we wanna ensure ourselves the

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1143716117259365882006-03-30T21:33:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.722+10:00

Here's something that occured to me sometime ago but I never got around to writing about. Dropping by The Gender Centre nearly every week means that I now know and regularly see a number of transgendered people, in pretty much every stage of transition. In fact, once conversation gets going and people gauge that the person they're talking to is comfortable enough with it, a common questions is "

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1143714553033771952006-03-30T20:21:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.649+10:00

Ok, I've always been a fan of the show The L Word, and was delighted at the start of Season 3 at the prospect of having Moira/Max come on the show. I figured, yeah, some publicity about the plight of us non-lesbian-identified lovers of women would be great especially if it helps the Gay and Lesbian community understand transgenderism. Boy am I disappointed.Now, I may be biased, but I felt that

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1143340683463027962006-03-26T13:25:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.583+10:00

Today was the first time I'd played tennis in a long while... and had fun. I can't really remember the last time I didn't spend 95% of my time on the court beating myself up and the other 5% trying to play shrink to my doubles partner. Maybe the counsellor was right - taking some time off from as many responsibilities as I could would be good for my soul.5 years ago I'd play tennis nearly every

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1142945530416219192006-03-21T23:40:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.521+10:00

It's not what you do. It's what you are.Posted in quotes

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1142689643980720952006-03-19T00:13:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.461+10:00

It's been 3 months since starting this blog, since deciding to take a big step towards finding inner peace. In many ways, I'm already light years ahead of where I started from. Then again, I haven't even gotten my first dose of T yet. And every waking minute I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't go out and get that prescrition asap.And then the rational bit in my brain says, "You know it's

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1150102785011457382006-03-17T18:52:00.001+11:002006-10-15T11:22:50.696+10:00

Got a whole new bunch of weight plates to go with the new set-up, as well as to fill up the dumbells to a higher weight. They're a silver hammer-tone finish, stylishly-designed and I especially like the fact that they've got the hand-grips for easy handling. They're a little bigger than some plates due to the design, but they're thinner than those rubber-coated ones so more can fit onto the bars.

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1142323198527106352006-03-14T18:47:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.402+10:00

Found a great deal on a bench press with lateral pulldown, butterfly and preacher attachments this week after having looked around for weeks! Kmart had a great offer with 50% off rrp and so I ended up taking home the bench for $99, although I had to think long and hard about this. It's a made-in-China, not-heard-of brand so I don't expect too much from it even though it's got a 2 year warranty

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1141951437717703332006-03-10T11:02:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.341+10:00

The last week and a half have been totally wierd! I've had an energy charge running through my body, and I've been "feeling my muscles work" even though I'm still carrying this excess weight around. Also, I've been feeling quite sexually charged, which isn't helped by the fact that I've been having frequent recurring dreams with the same theme - that I'm walking around in a dude's body, but it's

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1141567004799166702006-03-06T01:53:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.221+10:00

Last Wednesday was my second session with Gaye, and it went perfectly except maybe for one thing. We went over various things, mostly pertaining to my trip home; she noted that I seemed very relaxed and confident this time around. She did clarify that she had thought me confident the last time around as well, but that I seemed more sure of myself this time. At first, I'd thought that maybe it was

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1141570384894544462006-03-06T00:14:00.000+11:002006-10-15T20:35:10.062+10:00

The flight home was a little more brutal than the trip there, mainly because it was the red eye. I had mom and dad with me so I couldn't quite be myself at the check-in desk, although I did have a little chat and asked for my usual aisle seat on the flight. It might just be me, but the check-in ladies seem to be a lot less surly nowadays, and have been extremely pleasant so far!Don't kick me, but

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1141015467524054212006-02-27T15:08:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.160+10:00

Everyone who hadn't seen me in years, as well as those who'd met me for the first time have reportedly said that among other things, I am a very charming person. This surprised me because I know many things about myself, but this I never really thought about. It does however explain how people tend to react to myself, including people I meet while out and about. Now, I'd considered changing my

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1141012157106438962006-02-27T12:53:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.099+10:00

I did manage to meet a good friend of mine several times when I was home. J was my best friend in Year 3 of school, but we were separated into different classes after that, and had different friends for a while after that. We became thick as thieves again in Year 7 through the rest of our school days, especially in our final 2 years, where we were the closest among our group of 5.J recently came

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1140967089261812212006-02-27T00:10:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:49.034+10:00

One thing I'd said to Gaye the counsellor before heading off on my trip was this: that I'd know for sure how right starting transition would be for me based on my trip back to see my family, i.e. if I felt strongly enough about the need to transition, I'd be able to act myself and not how I think they think I should. Also, those of you who've been paying attention will know that I'd planned on "

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1140959349483204622006-02-26T23:28:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.968+10:00

I'm back from my 4-week holiday, so I've now got free access to the Net 24/7, and can start posting regularly again. I thought I'd be posting semi-regularly at least while I was away, but there was so much to do every day that I feel like I need a holiday now from my holiday.There's so much to write about the 4 weeks, so much that I thought of and so much that happened, that I'm not sure that

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1138841801323345162006-02-02T11:43:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.842+10:00

Well, I'm back home. My mum and dad won't be back till next week, so I've been here with my cousins and aunts and uncles, and everyone's been totally doting on me since I haven't been back for 4 years. My granddad's been especially talkative (he used to be such a quiet man!) and there hasn't been any of the usual little bickers that happen when 20+ close relatives come together nearly every

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1138257250830027072006-01-26T16:37:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.780+10:00

Finally! I finally got in to see the counsellor at The Gender Centre, and it nearly didn't happen, too! I had my appointment for 10-11am yesterday morning, and left early so that I'd be there in time. And would you know it, 9.30 came by and I was nowhere near the place! I called to let Gaye (the counsellor) know that I'd either be late or wouldn't be there in time, and she said that she had an

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1138067206711584892006-01-24T12:29:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.723+10:00

Warning: Spoilers follow. Ok, WTF was up with this last episode? We had the absolute funniest episode last week (ep 2), which I split my sides watching, and then this week's episode's just a bummer all-around! Bette's losing Tina and is selling the first ever print she's bought to control the money problems, not to mention losing face in front of all her friends by having her credit card declined

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137927829140865952006-01-22T22:01:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.663+10:00

I've just realised that the countdown java applet above might take a while to load, and that the posts don't come on screen until the applet's ready to show. I've got a very fast connection so it doesn't bother me, but it may bother people with slower connections. Please leave me a comment if it is very slow to load, and I'll take it off. Thanks!Posted in website

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137840609909266152006-01-21T21:33:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.604+10:00

"I felt that in wishing so fervently, and so ceaselessly, to be transplanted into a girl's body, I was aiming only at a more divine condition, an inner reconciliation." pg.18"I did not know exactly where it was - in my head, in my heart, in my loins, in my blood." pg.14, about his early desire to have a woman's body."At other times I thought it might all be resolved by suffering, and when I sat

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137672924660722242006-01-19T23:06:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.547+10:00

And now I'm even more in a funk. I just had a chat with one of the few persons I consider a lifelong friend. We'd been best friends through our school years, and are still close. What made us even closer was that she's a lesbian, and had the courage to come out to me and the rest of our "gang" a few years ago. I wished I'd had her courage, as I never came out to those same friends.Anyway, she's

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137666072929751082006-01-19T20:51:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.486+10:00

I'm in a bit of a funk right now. Spoke to mum and dad on the phone, making sure that everything's on track for my short visit "home". I put home in open inverted commas because we don't actually have our home anymore. Mum and dad are travelling around doing volunteer work in poor and remote areas in their retirement, and I live overseas now, so there was little point in keeping our house.

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137646001534742562006-01-19T15:36:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.428+10:00

My new doctor's extremely nice, and makes an effort to have me feel comfortable around him. Got my blood taken today (good thing I'd anticipated this and not eaten, as one of the tests required a 12-hour fast prior), and the results will be in by Monday next week. I'm also supposed to get a pelvic ulstrasound done, but the facility I've been referred to is booked out till the day I have to leave,

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137563615950273172006-01-18T16:46:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.371+10:00

... we have a doctor's appointment. My previous GP has recently gotten married and is planning to stop working for a while to have children, so I've decided to find a new GP closer to my new home. I've found a nice medical centre with quite a number of women doctors on staff, but they're quite flat out so I've taken an appointment for tomorrow morning with a male doctor, since I don't really mind

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137506311747639522006-01-17T00:46:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.311+10:00

It's been exactly a month since the day I'd come to terms with my conflict with my physical gender, and decided to start this blog. I've found that keeping this blog has been extremely therapeutic, especially since I keep convincing myself that it might help someone out there someday.So there have been 474 hits already in the first month, and this makes me glad because I'd only just joined the

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137487846840481962006-01-16T19:25:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.241+10:00

I thought I'd post this here since I've been thinking about this a little over the last few days. About 5 years ago, my periods started becoming a little irregular, with anywhere between 4 to 8 weeks between. Since my mother had had irregular periods when she was younger and had been put on "the pill" for it, it didn't really bother me. Besides, even though my periods were quite heavy, the "extra

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1137242748903689552006-01-14T23:45:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.178+10:00

Have a new appointment date with the counsellor - Wednesday the 25th since neither of us can make it before then. It's such a pain that she's only in on Tuesday and Wednesdays, and her time is in such demand that you'll probably have to wait 2 weeks if you miss your appointment. Unless it's a crisis, I suppose.I'm starting to wonder if it's going to be like this every step of the way. I certainly

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1136892863357125522006-01-10T22:30:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.120+10:00

I couldn't reschedule the Motorcycle Rider Training course, so I had to reschedule my counselling session instead. Updates tomorrow.Posted in counselling

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1136551920137915172006-01-07T22:12:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:48.060+10:00

Ok, so I've got a preliminary plan for transitioning. Now, what happens if hell freezes over and I change my mind about wanting to live as a man? Or say I can't afford to stay on T. Here's a list of what will/not change if one stops taking T, taken from Hudson's Guide:Voice - Will stay at the pitch level it was at when T was stopped.Facial/Body hair - Hair that has grown in will continue to grow,

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1136534035285380642006-01-06T18:11:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:47.997+10:00

4 days to my first visit to the counsellor at the Gender Centre, and I've just realised that I've double-booked myself! This is what happens when I forget to update my schedule on my Palm. So I've had to decide on either going for the counselling session or going for a compulsory motorcycle course (from letting my bike licence expire) - I've decided to go for the counselling session and do the

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1136015448834863422005-12-31T18:26:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:47.912+10:00

I've realised that I lied in the last blog entry. I meant to say that I'm not miserable about my current sex life, not that I have no complaints about it. Of course I have complaints - I won't be fully happy until I have a strong flat chest, broad shoulders and can make love to a woman like a man!On that note, I've had to come to terms that my sex life could suffer greatly from this point on. At

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1135818469598507472005-12-29T11:41:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:47.847+10:00

Having come to terms a little more with my gender identity (see part I) I thought, "Well, now what does that mean to my sexual orientation and sexual identity?" I felt that I'd probably have a more enjoyable sex life (not that I have any complaints at the moment!) if I better understood these aspects of my psyche.Now let's see. When I was growing up, I was attracted to girls and not at all

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1135465494904685102005-12-25T09:58:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:47.782+10:00

I hope everyone's been having a great Christmas weekend so far. Me, I'm trying to recover from yesterday's Christmas Eve dinner and cope with today's Christmas... meal. I don't know what to call it - it starts at brunch (when everyone's finally out of bed) and continues on till past dinnertime. Having been invited to a good friend's family home for the day, I'm relieved that I will at least have

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1135335641358283152005-12-23T20:45:00.000+11:002006-10-15T20:36:10.163+10:00

What a rare day, when one can jump out of bed and look forward to a day with no responsibilities, chores or errands to be done. Took the dogs out for a nice long walk in one of the nearby reserves, and there seemed to be abundant wildlife about, especially rabbits and birds. We had a bit of a swim in the sea on the walk back, and as we lay on the grass drying off (well I did while the girls

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1134997229254437642005-12-19T23:45:00.000+11:002006-10-15T11:22:47.664+10:00

I read something interesting today. Apparently, people have an inherent need to know the gender of the baby they are interacting with. If someone is asked to hold a baby, in general they will first ask if it is a boy or a girl. If they are not told, they may even go as far as peeking (you-know-where) to find out. If they are told not to peek, they will generally make up a gender for that

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1134978930497694312005-12-19T17:54:00.000+11:002006-10-15T20:36:39.407+10:00

... put on a happy face! =)It was a great day today. More bills in the mail, and some Christmas cards from old overseas friends. The weather was great today, and I had to go to the post office to mail a couple of letters off (yes, snail mail is still alive), so I thought, what better time to take my dogs for a swim! N loves the water and S is usually a little iffy about taking a plunge, but there

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1134881309641653342005-12-18T15:19:00.000+11:002006-10-15T19:50:11.685+10:00

I've been thinking about what names I like and what names I would be comfortable using. There's a big difference, because I'm not a white, blonde, blue-eyed kinda guy, so it would be hard to go by the name of, say, Sergei or Giorgio without expecting to have to deal with a lot of folks with saucers for eyes when I introduce myself. Also, having my friends roll around on the floor clutching their

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1134862957944925052005-12-18T10:25:00.000+11:002006-10-15T19:52:30.150+10:00

Well, I've taken the first major step. I've contacted the local counsellor at The Gender Centre Inc. for a good time to come in, and hope I will get a reply on Monday. A fellow FTM from around here replied to my introductory post on the FTM Surgery Info group, and said that there was a person there who has had a lot of experience, so I feel good about my chances on learning more about the

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1134828771617947502005-12-18T00:47:00.000+11:002006-10-15T19:47:59.654+10:00

Here's a bit of an intro to give readers a sense of where I'm at. It's not an easy situation to be in, and I hope that any success on my part will come as encouragement for anyone to live in truth.I am in my mid-twenties and living in Sydney, by myself at this time (well, with my 2 dogs anyway). I've been living away from my family for more than 6 years now, but due to geographical location and

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19949560.post-1134823727874013182005-12-17T23:26:00.000+11:002006-10-15T19:43:28.658+10:00

This is the first post in my brand spanking new blog, that will mainly serve as a journal following my transition. Transition to what, you say?After a lifetime of struggling to form a self-image that felt right, I have come to terms with the fact that I am a man trapped in a woman's body. I've felt this since I was a wee child, and I suppose that while the concept itself was always in my

Nickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16961649017794721861noreply@blogger.com2